my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
