Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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