i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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