I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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