I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
