I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
