My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
