He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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