you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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