Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
