3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
