My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
