Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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