I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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