waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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