"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
