I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
