Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
