airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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