Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
