My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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