oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
