Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
