Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
