Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
