Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
