he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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