the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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