I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
