I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
