Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize