Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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