just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
