Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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