Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
