at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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