i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
