so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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