I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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