I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
