So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
