And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
