i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
