sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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