Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
