so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ketchup is God's man juice
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Randomize
