i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
