Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
