it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
