so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
