I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
