so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
