The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bring me that man meat
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
