that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
