did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
