problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
