EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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