Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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