Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pooping to opera.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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