Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
