I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
