I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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