True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
