dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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