I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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