saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
