i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
