You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
