the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can Purell be used as lube?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize