I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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