Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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