please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
