Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
