i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
