Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
