if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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