Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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