I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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