this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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