:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
