I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
