speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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