I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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