Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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