i dont even know how to be here
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
