im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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