she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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