I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
