wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize