I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
